Frustrated

So I’m still brewing de-caff and each day I think…hmm I bet I could have one regular cup of coffee. But I don’t. There’s no going back. Each morning I drink my coffee flavored water and enjoy the warmth…but I miss the bold robust flavor that comes with REAL coffee.

I still have not heard from my Dr. regarding my biopsy. 2-3 days my A**. I called twice last week and finally found out that they hadn’t received the results yet…and it seems my Dr. is only in that office on Wednesdays..so I guess we wait and see.

We got through our 1st month of Clomid with no success. But I think part of the reason is that we kind of messed up. I was told to take the pill from day 3 to day 7 then use the ovulation kit from day 10 –20 or until a positive result and to not go overboard until I got the positive result. So we waited. And we missed the window. The test never got darker than the sample line…but it was close. Then the next day it was lighter. So I did some reading and found out that when it gets dark you’re close and should maybe test twice a day. Lesson learned. Adam also has to go back in for his testing since his results came back borderline and the Dr. wants to compare the two results.

Here we are another month, another round of drugs, waiting, peeing, watching, interpreting…it’s not supposed to be this hard! And it wasn’t.  That’s what gets me. It wasn’t this hard the first time. 3 months is all it took. And to be honest the first 2 months we weren’t even trying that hard. What the F happened? Seriously I want to understand.  But I can’t, you can’t question God and his plan. You just have to be PATIENT and TRUST that it will work out. I’m sorry, but that is HARD. Really hard…so hard I’m ready to say F*c! it and give up. However as anyone who has “tried” to have a baby knows…you never really give up. You just can’t.